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ID Number: 1062
From: bobbysroom <no_reply@yahoogroups.com>
Subject: Re: Story telling time
Date: Wednesday, July 16 2003 - 02:32:14

I don't know what the purpose of this story was, but if you are
looking for a critique, than I can tell you that it is the saddest
cases of fiction I have ever forced myself to read. First of all what
kind of name is Hulbert? I know quite a few real surfers in Cal and
they would change their name before being called Hulbert. If that
name was really used in the film, I am really surprised at the
director for allowing such an oddball name used in his or her film.

I also find it hard to believe that a college aged girl would still
be making up names for their children and that whole scene where she
daydreamed about him was totally unbelievable. And just for clarity,
surfers wait for their next wave, not ride. There is a surfer lingo,
and I'm sure any writer could easily just hang out with some surfers
to get their lingo down, and as far as I know they use terms that are
just the same as the ones that surfers used thirty years ago.

Plus if you are going to talk about a cliche, you should use one or
two as examples to make your point clear. This story was obviously
centered around a certain time period, and yet there is not even a
subtle hint as to when it is except the moon boots, and that could be
anytime, since they have been in and out as fad footwear since the
60's when they were first introduced. But of course Lisa's character
had a calculator that would place this story somewhere past the late
80's because of its technology.

Now if the author of this story was trying to describe what took
place in the movie, than I can see how hard of a task that it would
be and not make it into a full screen play, which would have been
more pleasurable to read, but none the less that was not the case.
What I would suggest to this author is to work on their descriptions
and flow of the story so it doesn't seem like it is in a washing
machine and has no general direction.

I would also suggest that it's not a good idea to confuse your reader
by trying to explain something to them in a way that is more
confusing than it has to be. Like when Lisa's character is about to
enter the strip club. The part about the prefix of hypo and then the
mentioning of the prefix hyper, which is not even a part of the clubs
name, this is very confusing. I am still wondering about that one.

Now if this was the authors account of a playboy film, than I am
really disappointed in playboy for producing such an awful film. I
have never watched a playboy film, but if they are all as bad as this
one, then I have to believe that Hugh Hefner has nothing to do with
this enterprise. From what I saw about him on tv, he is a lover of
films and the fact that he would put his name on the kind of films
that I believe that his company is making is a disgrace.

Now I have seen a few rated X films and they are a total waste of
film or video in my opinion, but when something sells then you don't
fix it. However, if a film has the playboy name behind it, I would
think it would be done in a tasteful manor and with some kind of plot
and not just a mellow version of your run of the mill porno film.
Well at least if I had anything to say about it they would be better
than any other erotic film on the market.

Bobby :)

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