ID Number: 1068 From: "Jim" <email@example.com>
Subject: Re: Purely for Entertainment
Date: Thursday, July 17 2003 - 03:32:23
Dude. You are way too longwinded.--- In firstname.lastname@example.org,
strait_flush5 <no_reply@y...> wrote:
> Lisa has lived a very uncommon life. Being a model and one of
> Playboy's most successful Playmates doesn't begin to describe the
> kinds of adventures Lisa has experienced in her life. This is the
> story of the amazing things that happened when Lisa visited Cape
> Canaveral to witness a space shuttle launch.
> Although Lisa doesn't look it, she really is quite the nerd, and
> been looking forward to witnessing a launch for a long time. Lisa
> such a nerd, she actually keeps a collection of different species
> fungus and lichen in an old refrigerator in her parents garage,
> she studies them under her microscope on weekends to relax. (Lisa
> normally doesn't tell people about her mold menagerie, but some of
> her friends thinks her nerdiness is an endearing quality). One of
> Lisa's private dreams is to have an experiment involving some of
> fungus to travel on the space shuttle. And so, she had been
> forward to this opportunity for some time.
> It was early in the Space Shuttle program, before the Challenger
> disaster. Lisa found a place to park, and was walking towards the
> viewing gallery when she happened to pass by one of the gates to
> secured areas of the base. She glanced inside the gate as she
> by, and just happened to be at the right place at the right time
> see two midgets armed with boards with nails sticking out of them,
> attack the security guard. The brave young NASA guard when down,
> powerless to stop the onslaught, the rusty nails biting into his
> kneecaps and thighs. As the guard was finally losing
> his last thought was "I hope my tetanus shots are up to date."
> In a flash, Lisa forgot any concerns for her own safety, and leapt
> the security guard's aid. Catching the midgets of guard, she
> disarmed one, and was able to parry the blow swung at her by the
> second midget. The first midget, frightened, scurried off, and
> escaped under a hole in the fenceline. But the second midget,
> undeterred, threw his board at Lisa, hopped onto a NASA 4-wheeled
> that was parked nearby, and roared off in the direction of the
> Lisa had to dodge the scrap-wood projectile, and was too late to
> catch the midget before he escaped. Lisa jumped on another ATV
> parked nearby, and pursued the midget as fast as she was able.
> Within minutes, the midget, who held a several hundred yard lead
> Lisa, arrived at the shuttle, all prepared for launch. The midget
> scampered up the ladders and walkways until he reached the
> that would take him to the top. As the midget rose, he looked
> at Lisa and called "Follow me if you can, beanpole!"
> Lisa glanced at the countdown clock - still about 30 minutes to
> She climbed up to the elevator landing, and took the second car
> was waiting beside the first. The midget was surprised by Lisa's
> audacity; he didn't think she would actually follow him, and he
> immediately stopped his elevator. In a moment, Lisa's car caught
> up. The two of them were side-by-side, hundreds of feet in the
> next to the Space Shuttle - ready for launch.
> "What do you think you're doing, beanpole?" the midget asked.
> "I should ask the same question of you, shorty!" Lisa retorted.
> "You tall-people have enjoyed your time at the top, but soon, that
> will all come to an end."
> "What are you talking about?" Lisa asked, a sickening feeling was
> beginning to creep into her heart.
> "Today will be the beginning of the end for the repression that
> been inflicted upon my people. Soon, the little-people will have
> power, and anyone over 3 feet will be made to serve US!" the
> "You're crazy, you insance little midget!" Lisa said.
> "Ha!" the midget laughed. "Just try to stop me. Besides, I think
> YOU'RE the insane one... afterall, I can't possibly be a "little
> midget" - I can't be both. I'm either a little person, OR a
> Just how small do you think a "little midget" must be, my lanky
> And with that, the midget was off, cackling as he rose from Lisa's
> sight. Momentarily confused, yet undaunted by the midgets clever
> twisting of the semantics of "little-person" vs. "midget", Lisa
> continued her pursuit. The midget, quickly reversed direction,
> in a quick turn, was travelling down the launch tower, hooting and
> hollering at Lisa as he passed. Lisa stopped her car, and began
> travelling down as well. The midget, however, had anticipated
> counter-move, and was now travelling back up.
> Things continued like this for a few minutes, up and down, up and
> down, until finally, Lisa caught up to the midget once again.
> "What do you think you are doing, you stupid midget?" she demanded.
> "None of your concern, slim. Besides, there's no way you can stop
> Lisa had to admit, she was getting a little dizzy from the sudden
> changes in upwards and downwards motion. She felt like she had
> too much time on Splash Mountain instead of taking an in-between
> breather on those submarines in FutureLand.
> Suddenly, the midget had a mischievious grin and a menacing look
> his eye.
> "See you at the top, you genetic FREAK!" he said.
> Lisa followed the midget to the top of the gantry. The midget's
> opened first, and he sprung out, bounding down the gantry toward
> space shuttle hatch. As soon as Lisa's gate opening she took off
> after the miniature menace, but her path was suddenly blocked.
> "Meet Mr. Peeples, my worthy adversary" the midget called from
> the giant Sumo wrestler that now stood before her.
> "Mr. Peeples... CRUSH!" called the midget.
> The giant mountain of flab wrapped in a diaper came crashing
> Lisa, each step causing the gangway to shudder like an earthquake.
> Lisa thought fast, and reached into her pocket to pull out her
> keychain. Never having been a Boy Scout, and yet, always
> Lisa's keychain was a veritable miniature toolbox, with an
> available for every conceivable occasion. There was a small
> teddy bear, a pink feather, and a photo key chain with a wallet
> picture of Margaret Thatcher. There was a small Swiss Army knife,
> ball point pen, and a canister of pepper spray. Lisa had only
> seconds to release the safety cap from the mace and aim for Mr.
> Peeples eyes, but her shot hit the mark. Wailing in agony, the
> wrestler thrashed about on the gangway, until the railing finally
> gave way. Mr. Peeples fell over the side, and Lisa looked down as
> the giant lump of flesh tumbled and spun, bouncing off of the
> beams and walkways until finally, he hit the bottom with a massive
> "You've defeated Mr. Peeples, but you can't catch me!" the midget
> said, and in the blink of an eye, he leapt onto the shuttle, and
> stood on the cockpit windows. The midget produced a small
> device and attached it to the cockpit windows, and began
> down the side of the orbitor.
> Lisa could see the astronauts inside, with their frantic gestures
> horrified looks as they attempted to contact launch control and
> the countdown. Not knowing how much time she had, she jumped onto
> the shuttle, and examined the midget's bomb.
> Lisa recognized the explosive - it was a rare mutation of
> Cladosporin. Lisa had tried to obtain her own sample through a
> order advertisement in Mold Spores Quartely magazine. This
> when allowed to grow and ferment, and then exposed to a highly
> concentrated gravitational field, becomes extremely unstable. In
> this case, it appeared that the midget had cultivated this batch
> using some old bowtie pasta.
> Lisa had an idea. She carefully removed the Swiss Army knife from
> her keychain, and ever so gently, pried the exposive away from the
> Space Shuttle's cockpit glass. After a few seconds of gingerly
> working the sticky bowtie pasta away from the glass, the bomb was
> free and in Lisa's hand. She rushed to the end of the gantry, and
> tossed it over the side. In seconds, the bomb struck the ground
> exploded, with a rather unsatisfying pop.
> Lisa checked the countdown clock - only 17 minutes and 43 seconds
> go until launch.
> Lisa was hailed as a hero, and was awarded the title of honorary
> astronaut and mission specialist in charge of mold, fungus, and
> lichen. This isn't common knowledge, but soon after, a sample of
> Lisa's Stachybotrys was included on one of Shuttle Discovery's
> And, that is how Lisa has contributed to the study of Planet
> and ways that mold spores can help to enhance lives of all of
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