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ID Number: 1076
From: strait_flush5 <no_reply@yahoogroups.com>
Subject: Re: Not looking for a critique
Date: Thursday, July 17 2003 - 19:26:47

I wasn't really looking for a critique, and I wasn't planning on
responding to any, but since Bobby seems to think that all of the
posts in this group all refer to him and his story, and after re-
reading my posts, I've decided I do have some apologies in order.
Therefore,

My apologies to all of the social groups I've offended, including:

Surfers - for inaccurately depicting their language, and for
suggesting that they wear ironed shirts.
Mermaids - for erroneously associating them with cold-blooded fish,
rather than mammals.
graphing calculators - for taking them out of context and using them
in a time period 1 or 2 years early.
people named Hulbert, Applebottom, Braithewaite, or any of the other
names I co-opted for my stories - except for Rosacea... anyone who
would name their child after a skin disease is too weird, even for me.
Moon boots - I didn't realize how the influence of moon boots has
been cyclical in the world of fashion over the years. Not being a
fashion maven myself, up until now I had only seen moon boots from
very narrow eyes - my apologies.
Pygmy-hippopatamuses - for suggesting that any self-respecting pygmy-
hippopatamus would be caught dead in a garishly pink and black
waiting room.
Pirates - for suggesting that their period in history or their genre
of literature lends itself well to adult entertainment.
strippers - for suggesting that they only dance for money.
amputee strippers - for making light of the difficult situation they
face in life, dancing on only one leg (or with one arm, as the case
may be).
comic book convention attendees in San Diego, for inaccurately
stating that their convention is the biggest in the world, when it is
actually only the second or third biggest.
Pastry Chefs - for suggesting that they may be French.
the Mars candy co, and the M&M brand in particular, for inaccurately
stating that their candy coating was discarded during the war, rather
than being reconstituted and used for tank armor.
women named Betsy, for characterizing them as overweight (although I
don't think I suggested that is necessarily a BAD thing).
people who collect fungus, mold spores, or lichen, for suggesting
that they are uncommonly weird and nerdy.
midgets, who, contrary to the plot in my third story, are never evil,
but are always only good little people who are well-adjusted and do
not resent tall people for being tall.
Sumo wrestlers, because one blast of mace or pepper spray would
likely have no effect on a real Sumo wrestler.
Hugh Hefner, for arm-chair diagnosing him with a brain disorder,
suggesting that being rich and sleeping with a harem of Plaboy bunnes
is an undesirable experience, or that he is leading his life in any
way different from what he has chosen over the years (oh wait, that
wasn't me)
Road Construction Workers, for characterizing their life's work as
boring and a dead-end job.
closet homosexuals, for suggesting that they are overcompensating for
their sexual preference by driving mammoth military vehicles
converted to be street legal.
fat, bald men who love Star Trek - possibly the same group as the
comic book convention attendees.
Republicans, for associating them with the character of Alex Keaton
or the actor Michael J Fox.
people who own/operate petting zoos, for suggesting that children may
be allowed to feed the anacondas.

And finally, Bobby may be a little confused. I am the only person
who wrote these stories. I was working alone and without any
assistance from anyone, and despite any evidence to the contrary,
there are no extra voices in my head.

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